Last Sunday morning, I awoke after not enough sleep and sat on the balcony of my hotel room. As I faced the barren and beautiful Sangre de Cristo mountains, my heart was filled to overflowing with gratitude as I contemplated the night before, when I gave my oldest daughter away to the man who is now her husband.
For those of you with little kids, that may seem terrifying, and, honestly, the idea of no longer being your girl’s provider, protector, and shepherd after more than 25 years is a little grievous. But what’s far better is knowing she’s chosen well and that God has brought her a man who loves Jesus and her, in that order. Like those of you who have successfully launched a child to college, or even to kindergarten—this is why we’re raising them, right?
The past several days have also been an opportunity to reflect on God’s goodness in bringing us to Grace all those years ago, when He called me out of the legal field and set my family and me on a course that would lead to them spending their childhood as students at this school and as children of its head.
I know Christian education is a sacrifice, even today, when school choice, the new federal tax credit scholarships, financial aid, and other resources make Christian education as accessible as it has ever been. I never describe it as “affordable” because affordability is in the eye of the beholder. We invest in what we find valuable, and we find a way when we believe that something is good for our family.
This week was one of those moments where God showed me that everything we’ve done, everything we’ve given in educating our kids in a place that teaches Jesus, has been worth way more than we invested. It was priceless. I wanted to share with you what I saw this past weekend in my daughter, who got married, her friends, and her two sisters, all Grace alumni, because I think a little vision is periodically a good thing when you’re in the thick of raising kids and paying for their education.
The first, most dramatic thing this weekend reinforced for me was that each of my daughters has a deep understanding of who Jesus is and a real relationship with Him that is unique and their own. In the South, as you know, girls tend to marry younger than in other regions. Over the years, my oldest was a bridesmaid dozens of times, watching her friends marry and have babies. Being a bridesmaid and never a bride is a lonely experience for many young women, and my oldest was no exception. And yet, she told me many times that the Lord called her to “rejoice with those who are rejoicing” and that she believed that God would be sufficient for her.
Shortly before she met her now-husband, she sat down with me and shared that if she never met anyone, if it were only Jesus and her for the rest of her life, He would be more than enough for her. As a dad, that sent my heart soaring to know that the Lord was foremost in her life and that she was not looking to anyone or anything else to complete her.
And so, when her Sam came along, I knew that she wasn’t looking to him to fill what was missing in her but to partner with someone for life who would help her serve Jesus and make much of His name.
At the wedding Saturday night, many of our guests shared with me how impressed they were with my oldest’s faith and encouraged me in that. But in the depths of our souls, Ashley and I know we couldn’t take credit. We’ve seen too many teachers, coaches, and the people who were gathered there Saturday night who have poured into them. It takes a web to build a faith system around a child, and each strand of that web is a different image bearer of Christ. We wanted everything that happened at that wedding celebration to be an act of worshipping God and thanksgiving to and for the people gathered there, because without them, she would not be who she was. This school, all of you, provided the strands that form that web, just as we do daily for every child at Grace
On Saturday night, I watched my child’s sisters honor her in beautiful ways through their wedding toasts. As a head of school who often fills a pastoral role, I’ve been to many weddings and heard many wedding toasts. They are often heartfelt and sweet, yet few of them are actually good. They have no theme, no direction, and no exit strategy. Public speaking isn’t simply standing up and talking. It’s communicating your thoughts in clear, cogent, and compelling ways.
Almost to the student, every wedding speech, or any other kind, that I’ve heard given by a Grace alum who has matured to an adult follows these patterns. Getting our kids to participate in speech meets, Toastmasters, and frequent speaking and presenting in class isn’t simply an academic exercise or yet another thing for parents to show up to at school. I Peter 3:15 calls for us to “always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have.” Just before that, Peter says, “In your hearts, revere Christ as Lord.” Being prepared to give an account of your faith and to find and articulate the voice God gave us, whether in written or spoken form, is a critical life skill for a disciple of Jesus and a means to revere Him.
It’s also a skill that is underdeveloped in most followers of Christ and in just about everyone else. As Seinfeld quipped, most of us would rather be the one in the casket than the one giving the eulogy, because public speaking often outranks death as the greatest fear. And yet it is a skill nearly universally well developed among Grace students, a quality on display this weekend and at weddings around the country every year.
Finally, this weekend I marveled at the friends who have surrounded my daughter since her time at Grace. They were a strong group of girls, and sure, they butted heads and got into petty little disputes in middle school and early high school. Every hard and tear-streaked conversation you’ve had with your preteen or teenage girl over friend issues, I had with this one over her friendships with these same girls.
Yet as they grew up, their relationships with Jesus and each other deepened, and they walked through hard times and really dark things together; the Lord knitted their hearts in a way that, frankly, I never enjoyed as a twenty-something. Not just close, but truly seeing and knowing each other’s hearts, willing to risk rejection as they step into each other’s lives to ask really good and hard questions. I would be proud to be a father to any of them, and in some ways, I am. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for them because of their investment in my child’s life. This kind of friendship can only be forged in Jesus, because, as I said last week, this kind of love and unity is supernatural. If it weren’t for Grace, she never would have had them.
These kinds of friends are on the other side of middle-school hard for you all.
People have asked me over the years why I sacrificed a successful law career and so many other things to ultimately lead this school, a lifestyle job that has consumed so much time and energy and often produced so much heartache. But just look at everything God’s given in return. What sacrifice? I’m the debtor here. I got everything, and all it cost me was my life. My heart is full.
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