As parents, I know the idea of making disciples of Jesus out of our kids can be incredibly intimidating. It was for me. Whenever I imagined teaching God’s Word to my kids, I always envisioned Ned Flanders, the slightly annoying bespectacled evangelical from The Simpsons, sitting in a rocking chair by the hearth in his turtleneck while all his children gathered lovingly around him, hanging on his every theologically sound word (I know I’m dating myself here, but I was raising my little ones during this era). I knew that if I tried this at home, I would fail miserably. I didn’t own a turtleneck, Texas is too hot for a hearth, and my kids would be shoving and saying mean things to each other if I could possibly get them to sit still long enough to read anything to them.
But here’s the thing: It was my job to disciple my kids. Even though my children are adults, it remains my responsibility. And, when I say that, I don’t mean it was and is exclusively my job. We often cite Deuteronomy 6:7 to inspire parents to take ownership of their children’s faith development: “You shall teach God’s word diligently to your children, and you shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise.” But this passage isn’t only directed to individual parents; it’s directed to the entire community of faith. This means that churches, Christian schools like Grace, and all of us as the Body of Christ are collectively responsible for helping to train children in the Lord. So, we’re not hanging out to dry by yourself. We’re here to help, and we’re grateful to partner with you in that greatest of all work.
Nevertheless, it’s still your responsibility. You can’t outsource it. Ephesians 6:4 tells us, “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” Psalm 78:4, Joshua 24:15, Proverbs 22:6, and 2 Timothy 3:15 all indicate that God’s plan for children has always been that parents are the primary disciplers. Not the sole disciplers, but the primary ones.
There are lots of reasons we give for not discipling our kids. While excuses may be abundant, none of them are very good. We may say we don’t have time because we’re busy with work or other things crowding our schedule. But think about it: Have you watched a ball game in the past year? Have you ever eaten a meal? Have you ever engaged in any activities with a friend? Have you ever purchased groceries or toilet paper at the store? (I hope your answer to these questions is “yes”). The reality is that we make time for what’s important. We just haven’t assigned the same level of importance to our children’s salvation and eternity that we’ve assigned to our Fantasy League team. When I say it like that, it stings, I know.
And that’s the beauty of Deuteronomy 6. God’s original audience consisted of hard-working, constantly moving Hebrews. They didn’t own a sofa or a remote control. God didn’t say, “Take three hours of isolated time, sit on your couch, and instruct your kids in my ways.” He said, “Do it on the go; do it as you all do life together. As you farm together, eat together, and go to Home Depot together (that’s a paraphrase, but you get it).” Everywhere you take your kids is an opportunity for discipleship, so there’s always time for it.
Another reason people give for not discipling their kids is that they are not qualified to do so. Moms blame dads for not being strong disciplers, and dads blame their parents for not discipling them when they were little. God created the Milky Way and the Andromeda galaxies. Don’t you think if He had wanted Billy Graham, or Tim Keller, or Jen Wilkin to be your kids’ mom or dad, He could have made that happen? But He didn’t. He chose you. In all your beauty and brokenness and strength and fallibility. He doesn’t want your kids to learn from Bible Superman or Wonder Woman. He wants them to learn from real people who are trying to love Jesus well while also making mistakes, just like all of us who are saved by grace. So, show them that. Teach them what it’s really like.
Like I told you, I was never going to be Ned Flanders. But I did read and study God’s Word, so I would know what it said. And I put myself under the discipleship of older, wiser men who would teach me how to live and love my family. Your church and this school are good places to find guys like those. Then we had dinner together as a family as often as we could. I would ask my girls about their day: “tell me the best thing that happened to you, and the worst thing.” Then, I’d ask the Holy Spirit to let Ashley and me use the Word of God that we had been studying to speak life into our kids’ lives. That’s it. That’s discipleship. It’s not magic.
Open your Bible and read it to your kids. Let them read it to you, and then discuss what it says. Sing worship songs in the car together, if you’re good at that, or even if you’re bad, and talk about what the song is saying. Use life to teach them about God, and be vulnerable. Looking back on their childhood years later, I realized that the moments when I taught my girls the most about Jesus and grace were either when they were hurting and in pain, allowing me to comfort them with truth, or when I had screwed up royally and was seeking their forgiveness while also seeking God’s grace in my life (which happened more often than I’d like to admit). All of this is discipleship, and you don’t need a seminary degree to do it.
A final excuse that people often give for not discipling their kids is that it’s too late: “My kids are teenagers (or older), and I wish I had done all this stuff when they were younger. But that ship has sailed.” As a father of grown children, I’m telling you it’s never too late to disciple your kids. They will always be your kids. I’m still discipling mine every single day. It just looks different than it did when they were 8 or 18. It’s never too late, because you will never stop doing it. You will have opportunities to disciple them until you get sick and die. And then, by God’s grace, you may have the chance to teach them how to die well, like a follower of Jesus.
Even if you have had a track record of bad habits throughout their childhood to this point, nothing demonstrates the gospel more for them than a life changed by Jesus and the power of the Holy Spirit. That IS grace. That IS the gospel. And your kids learn way more by how they see you living it out (or not) than by what you say. You can begin that process of transformation today by repenting, turning to Jesus, and letting them see all of that in its redemptive glory.
Someone is going to discipline your kids into some doctrine, dogma, worldview, or way of living. Someone is doing it right now. The devil prowls around like a lion, seeking to devour. (1 Pet. 5:8). If no one else will, he is all too ready and willing. No one loves your kids more than you do, except God. Now is the time, and here is the place.
At Grace, we love the opportunity to partner with you in discipling your kids. But we’re your partners, not subcontractors. We can’t do it without you, and no one can lead your kids to love and follow Jesus like you can. Not even Billy Graham. So, go love those disciples down the hall, and point them toward Jesus.
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